Hey everyone! I hope you’re all keeping safe and healthy during this difficult time and wherever you are in the world, that you aren’t going too crazy in lockdown. I know many places are starting to ease their restrictions (if that’s the case for you, I’m super jealous!). Some of my college friends are talking about going to pubs or the beach, and here I am just desperate to go for a picnic or something with my boyfriend. Oh well – the time will come eventually when we can resume normal activities, and I can’t wait for that to happen!
Back to the point of the blog … Hopefully, all of you recognised the delightful Frozen quote I used for my title, courtesy of the fantastic Olaf. Now I realise he’s only a cartoon character, but there are honestly so many incredible lessons and anecdotes hidden in animated movies – this one being a prime example. Olaf is right – some people are worth melting for. However, how do you know who? After all, Anna would have quite happily ‘melted’ for Hans, even though he turned out to be a complete and utter ass.
The truth is, with all friendships/relationships, there are real ones and fake ones. You all know what I’m talking about right? For all the genuine friendships you get, there are also toxic ones. Where it seems like you’re the one putting in all the effort, and you don’t feel truly accepted for who you are. Those fake friendships can be so damaging because they can really hurt you (after all it’s heart-breaking when a friendship you’ve been dedicated to proves to be one-sided), but you’ve also invested so much time and energy, only to have it all thrown back in your face. If I could invent a scanner to see whether or not someone would be a true friend or a fake friend I think that would save so much pain for everyone …
Oh well. Sadly I don’t think such a scanner is possible at the moment. So, how are you meant to know the difference between these two friendships? They may be hard to distinguish, but I promise you they are very different. Real friends are those who you can turn to no matter what, who will be there to celebrate the ups and hold you through the downs. Fake friends … they’re pretty much the scum of the earth for all they do and care for you. If you want to know who’s worth melting for, you’ll know if they do these things for you:
More supportive than a pillar
A real friend will be there to support and encourage you no matter what you do. Whether it’s something as small as standing up to someone or changing your career path, a true friend will be there to support you. And if things don’t go according to plan? Well, then they’ll be the pillar that keeps you from crumbling to pieces and help you through it until you’re ready to face the terrifying world head-on again.
Love you and all your weirdness
Fake friends often pass judgment on our dorkiness or weird personality traits, making us feel self-conscious and like we should be ashamed of them. That’s not the case with a true friend. A real friend loves all those weird things you do and say regularly (for me it’s quoting all the lines in movies I love, obsessive babbling and being very dorky about Disney, Harry Potter, Friends and corny romance – the list goes on, but I’ll spare you those embarrassing details for now). In fact, they might even join in so that the two of you can unleash your weirdness together in all its glory.
Forgive and move on
Let’s face it. We’re all human, and that means we have the potential to make monumental, heart-stopping mistakes. With the wrong friends, an error can often cost you a friendship. If your friend is a true one though, they may still get angry or upset (they’re human too after all and are entitled to feeling something if you make a mistake), but they will forgive you. Why? Because they know that people make mistakes and that your friendship is worth more than just being thrown away over a mistake. (Although if it’s a big oops, a little bit of grovelling can help them forgive you a little faster – it shows how sorry you are and that you don’t want to lose them).
Always got your back
Some call it aggressive. I call it protective. A real friend, no matter the circumstance, will be at your side no matter what. It doesn’t matter who’s on the other side, what the problem was or if you were in the wrong – a true friend will stand up for you, have your back and fight for you with no questions asked. (And you really know you’re a true friend when they’re offering to help you hide bodies … not that you should ever need to hide bodies! Just saying – that’s what a true friend does).
Give you the freedom to grow and explore new things
As we grow up, people change, and they start to explore new things as life pushes us in different directions. We might discover a new interest that seems super unlike us or rediscover something we initially hated and now love. Fake friends will probably make fun of you, or get judgmental and not let you branch out, but real friends don’t care if you stick to the status quo *cue the High School Musical singing and dancing. They will let you do your own thing and stick with you through it, even if it’s not something they enjoy.
Know all your quirks and flaws
We all have those little quirks or personality flaws that we try to keep hidden from most people. It could be that you’re super cranky in the morning, that you only eat cheese on pizza, you get super emotional over the smallest things or anything else that only our true friends know about. No one else quite knows these tiny details but the fact that your closest friend(s) does, is definitely a good thing.
Keep in contact
Fake friends only contact you when they want something, or when it suits them, but they’re never around just for a chat or when you genuinely need them. Real friends will contact you – wherever and whenever because they genuinely care and are interested in you and what’s going on in your life. They don’t care about the gossip, or getting your help – they just want to know what you thought of the movie you watched or what was in your salad.
Protect your secrets
If you can trust this person not to gossip about you behind your back, or talk about your deepest darkest secrets to other people – then you know they’re the real deal. The fakes don’t consider secrets sacred, but a true friend values your confidence and will never share what you’ve shared with them. That’s just not cool in the eyes of a real friend.
Dress to impress? Forget that
If you have to get all dressed up, put on a full face of makeup and make sure you don’t smell like the garlic bread you had for lunch … take that as a warning sign! Real friends will let you (and probably expect you to) come over in your leggings and old hoodie with unwashed hair. They might tease you about it, but you know they don’t really care because they just want to hang out with you. True friendships mean you’ve seen each other in your grossest stages and still love each other – so it doesn’t matter what you look like as long as you’re together.
Make time for you
It doesn’t matter if they are crunched for work or having an anxiety attack due to the amount of studying they have to get done. It doesn’t matter if they have only an hour to squeeze you in during the day, a real friend will be there for you if you need them. It isn’t about the time it’s the fact that they want to spend the time with you, and if you genuinely need them, they will drop anything to be there. Real friends make a plan to make time for you, no matter how busy their lives are.
Ride the emotional rollercoaster with you
You can really tell what kind of friend someone is by how they handle being around you when you’re struggling. For a fake friend, the situation will probably feel really awkward. But if it’s a real friend, if you’re having a bad day, then they’ll be over with ice cream and tissues and cry it out with you. They’ll be the first person to congratulate you when you succeed, and the only person you want around when things are tough. If this is the person you’d call after a breakup, a serious problem or just an awful day and you know they’ll be there, you know they are a true friend.
No judging, no pressure
Fake friends love to be judgmental, and might often pressure you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with, but a real friend will never do that. A true friend accepts you the way you are and will never force you into anything you aren’t okay with, and will probably be on the same page as you regarding things you don’t want to do. If you can unashamedly say you don’t drink or want to stay in bed and watch Harry Potter all day, a real friend will just climb into bed with you so you can enjoy the day together.
Woah this turned out to be much longer than I originally planned so I’m sorry about that. If you’ve made it all the way to the end, then thank you so much for reading (and again I’m sorry this turned out to be such a long post). At the end of the day, though, I really think that friendships are so important and that the right friends will be there through thick and thin. I’ve been able to reflect on a lot of my friendships during my gap year and this lockdown, and while it is bittersweet to have to let go of some of them, I also know who my real friends are.
QUICK SHOUT OUT – I just want to thank all my true friends for being part of my life, both the old ones from school (my bestie, Kee) and the new ones I can’t wait to meet at university. You guys turn bad days into good ones and never fail to make me smile so thank you!!
So, to end with a quote from the wise Dr Seuss, “don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” If you have to let go of a fake friend, don’t let it get you down. Instead, cherish the happy memories and know that your real friends will never make you cry (intentionally that is).
Have I missed anything? Are there any qualities of a true friend that you think I’ve missed out? Also, who in your life is worth melting for? (And if you want to do a guest post on Tall Blonde Tales or do a collab with me, please let me know in the comments section xx)
Lots of Love
Blondey on a Mission xxx