No one ever likes to think that their relationship will come to an end because, let’s face it, no one likes going through a breakup. However, as much as we all love to hope that all of our relationships are bulletproof and nothing can shake them, sometimes a break up is inevitable. Getting over a break up can often be one of the toughest experiences we go through, especially depending on the circumstances and reasons why the break up happened. Now, I know that if you are going through a breakup, saying that “the sun will come up tomorrow” is not exactly what you want to hear. What I can tell you though, having experienced one or two breakups myself, is that as hard as it is there are ways to handle it and keep yourself together. Today I’m collaborating with a close friend of mine to write this blog post (her words indicated by the quotation marks), and we will be discussing how you can handle a breakup. We both know what a terrible experience it can be, but having both lived through it, we know that it is possible to get through it and handle it without falling apart. We’ll be sharing those tips with you today. I hope you enjoy it!
*Quick Disclaimer: I have not broken up with my boyfriend! We are still happy and together, this is just a topic that I decided to discuss today. Thank you though for the concerns xx
“Don’t try to ignore the feeling or distract yourself for too long. A break up isn’t the kind of thing that you can run from and prolonging it will only make it hurt more when you finally do feel it. So, let it hurt and come to terms with the hurt.”
I always tell people that you are allowed to feel things because we are human beings and not robots. Having emotions after dealing with something as traumatic as a break up is normal, so don’t try and suppress your feelings. It will only make it worse. Let your emotions out – so if that means sobbing in your bed with a pint of ice cream or pigging out on pizza then do that. Given the circumstances, you are allowed to feel, so don’t try and distract yourself from feelings you can’t hide from.
Don’t speak to your ex
“Don’t immediately try to be friends or keep them in your life because it usually causes more harm than good. Allow both you and your ex time to heal before you come in contact again.”
Speaking to your ex is only likely to bring up old feelings or a new wave of emotions and tears, so don’t try. You guys, for whatever reason, have broken up so as much as it will feel bizarre not to be talking to them, don’t do it. The first bit after the break up is when all the emotions are still fresh, so you need to allow yourself time to get over it and come to terms with the break up before you think about contacting them.
Do a media detox
The worst feeling in the world is going through social media before you go to bed and seeing your ex. They could be doing something fun or even be with someone else and seeing them enjoying their life or with someone new can be more than painful to experience. The trick to avoiding this kind of situation is doing a media detox. Delete them off your social media accounts so that you don’t accidentally come into contact with any of their posts. Try to stay off social media for the first week or so after the breakup and also try to avoid the temptation to stalk them on social media. The less you see of them in the immediate time after the breakup, the easier it will be to come to terms with the breakup and move on.
Rebounds work for some people but not everyone
“What is important is that you make sure you protect your heart and the heart of someone you could potentially care about.”
Rebounds are not necessarily a recommended way of dealing with a breakup, but again it depends on the circumstances. The one thing you absolutely should not do is have a rebound to spite your ex. Not only is this quite a trivial thing to do, but it is also cruel both to your ex and to the person you are using. There is nothing wrong with going to a party to enjoy the night and having a rebound, but rebounds are not for everyone and if you are only doing it as an act of revenge, then instead don’t do it. There are far better ways to deal with your breakup than this.
Come to terms with your situation
It can often be quite hard to come to terms with a breakup, particularly if you’ve had quite a long relationship where you had a deep love for the person you were with. From personal experience, I know that it can feel like there is a gaping hole in your life where that person used to be because a person who you used to talk to all the time, spend a lot of time with and in general just have them there for you is now gone. Don’t worry – that is perfectly normal, and it can be quite hard to come to terms with. What I’d recommend for this is finding your coping mechanism. One method that I found particularly useful is to write about it because I am getting all my thoughts and feelings out of my head and onto paper. The reason why writing is so great is that you are subconsciously processing everything that you are writing, thus coming to terms with it, so writing can often be quite a healing process. If that doesn’t work for you, there are numerous other things to try, but the arts are often the most helpful and calming ways to deal with negative experiences, particularly breakups. So if you find yourself wallowing and struggling to deal with your situation, try sitting down to do something creative – you’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel afterwards.
“Sounds cheesy but it works wonders. Do what makes you happy and do what feels right for you in the moment. If that means staying in your bed for a solid week (provided you can actually do that), then that’s what you do. There’s no handbook to dealing with a breakup, and there’s no timeline to how long it will be until you feel okay, so listen to yourself and pay attention to what you’re feeling. It’s okay not to be okay.”
Allow yourself to soak in the bath and read for a few hours, do the things that you love whenever you have the time to do it and don’t feel guilty about allowing yourself to splurge in the early days following the breakup. You are entitled to indulge in things like chocolate and carbs (not forever though, please don’t take this as an encouragement to eat junk food for six months). Keeanne is right when she says that there is no handbook, so do what you love and what makes you feel like you again. You deserve to treat yourself and practice self-love.
As important as it is to have time to yourself, don’t isolate yourself completely
“There is plenty of time to become a lonely cat lady (or hamster lady, or whatever other kinds of animal lady you’d prefer) and it’s important that you don’t let this event taint your idea of love forever.”
For the first week or so, it is okay for you to wallow and be upset, but you shouldn’t cut yourself from the rest of the world. If you do this, you can often end up going backwards instead of forwards with emotional progress. Try and still do the things that you love and enjoy outside of your house so that you don’t fall into isolation. If you’ve always had your heart set on being a lonely cat lady, then that’s okay, but it is also important to remember that one bad breakup doesn’t mean that all love is terrible and you should never date again. You will be okay, and this breakup doesn’t mean that love is doomed forever. There is always hope.
Spend time with your friends
Friends can sometimes be the most exceptional support in the world, especially after a breakup. Friends should always have your best interests at heart, so when you are sad and have just had a breakup, they are the best people to call. Have a sleepover, go out for dinner or to a movie or hang out. Do you know the quote about “misery loves company”? Well, it is true in this instance. Friends are great for the healing process because they can listen to you if you need to talk, they can try and cheer you up if you need to laugh or they can just be good company for wallowing and eating lots of ice cream. So, even though it is tough when you have had a breakup, try and spend time with your friends as much as you can. They will definitely help with the healing process, and even if they don’t, at least you won’t be crying and eating chocolate and pizza alone.
Try positive distractions
Distractions can sometimes be a great way to take your mind off the emotional pain, but the right kind of distractions is the key. You don’t want to turn to distractions that could be potentially harmful, so if you are going to distract yourself, let it be the right way. You could always try exercise, or maybe yoga? Another option is to take up a new hobby – there could be a hidden Mozart deep within you. Another nice distraction is to start saving for a holiday you’ve always dreamed of going on, and perhaps learning the native language of the country you’re planning to go to. Whatever the distraction is, it should have long term positive benefits for you.
Accept that it’s going to take time … AND THAT’S OKAY!
The one thing that can be quite hard to come to terms with is that it is going to take time to get over the breakup and move on. That is natural. Sometimes it can be quite weird and can feel very disheartening if it has been a few weeks and you are still feeling a bit lost and broken, but it is important not to worry about that. Time heals all wounds so you need to give yourself the time to heal – don’t try and rush getting over everything because that might make things worse. You are allowed to take the time to recover because it is going to take time. And that is entirely okay!
Nobody likes talking about the bad part of a relationship, particularly breakups, but hopefully, after reading this, you will see that even though a breakup can be a horrible experience, there are ways for you to handle it. Hopefully, this blog post is helpful for those of you who might be experiencing the aftermath of a breakup or be useful to you in the future if you ever (touch wood that it doesn’t happen because nobody wants a breakup) have a breakup. For my question of the day:
- Do you have any breakup advice to share?
Before I wrap up, I want to say a huge thank you to Keeanne for writing this blog post with me – I really appreciate all of your input and helpful tips! I also want to say thank you to all of you for reading this post, and my blog – you guys are amazing, and I am always appreciative of the support. Lastly, I want to thank my boyfriend and my family for always supporting this blog and my hopes for it to grow. I couldn’t do it without every single one of you. I hope that you all have found this blog post useful, given the more depressing subject heading, and that even if you have a relationship issue, that this blog post can help you through it (but hopefully you don’t have to go through a breakup). Have a good week!
Lots of Love
Blondey on a Mission xxx