Hey everyone! I hope you’re all keeping safe and healthy during this difficult time and wherever you are in the world, that you aren’t going too crazy in lockdown. I know many places are starting to ease their restrictions (if that’s the case for you, I’m super jealous!). Some of my college friends are talking about going to pubs or the beach, and here I am just desperate to go for a picnic or something with my boyfriend. Oh well – the time will come eventually when we can resume normal activities, and I can’t wait for that to happen!
Back to the point of the blog … Hopefully, all of you recognised the delightful Frozen quote I used for my title, courtesy of the fantastic Olaf. Now I realise he’s only a cartoon character, but there are honestly so many incredible lessons and anecdotes hidden in animated movies – this one being a prime example. Olaf is right – some people are worth melting for. However, how do you know who? After all, Anna would have quite happily ‘melted’ for Hans, even though he turned out to be a complete and utter ass.
The truth is, with all friendships/relationships, there are real ones and fake ones. You all know what I’m talking about right? For all the genuine friendships you get, there are also toxic ones. Where it seems like you’re the one putting in all the effort, and you don’t feel truly accepted for who you are. Those fake friendships can be so damaging because they can really hurt you (after all it’s heart-breaking when a friendship you’ve been dedicated to proves to be one-sided), but you’ve also invested so much time and energy, only to have it all thrown back in your face. If I could invent a scanner to see whether or not someone would be a true friend or a fake friend I think that would save so much pain for everyone …
Oh well. Sadly I don’t think such a scanner is possible at the moment. So, how are you meant to know the difference between these two friendships? They may be hard to distinguish, but I promise you they are very different. Real friends are those who you can turn to no matter what, who will be there to celebrate the ups and hold you through the downs. Fake friends … they’re pretty much the scum of the earth for all they do and care for you. If you want to know who’s worth melting for, you’ll know if they do these things for you:
More supportive than a pillar
A real friend will be there to support and encourage you no matter what you do. Whether it’s something as small as standing up to someone or changing your career path, a true friend will be there to support you. And if things don’t go according to plan? Well, then they’ll be the pillar that keeps you from crumbling to pieces and help you through it until you’re ready to face the terrifying world head-on again.
Love you and all your weirdness
Fake friends often pass judgment on our dorkiness or weird personality traits, making us feel self-conscious and like we should be ashamed of them. That’s not the case with a true friend. A real friend loves all those weird things you do and say regularly (for me it’s quoting all the lines in movies I love, obsessive babbling and being very dorky about Disney, Harry Potter, Friends and corny romance – the list goes on, but I’ll spare you those embarrassing details for now). In fact, they might even join in so that the two of you can unleash your weirdness together in all its glory.
Forgive and move on
Let’s face it. We’re all human, and that means we have the potential to make monumental, heart-stopping mistakes. With the wrong friends, an error can often cost you a friendship. If your friend is a true one though, they may still get angry or upset (they’re human too after all and are entitled to feeling something if you make a mistake), but they will forgive you. Why? Because they know that people make mistakes and that your friendship is worth more than just being thrown away over a mistake. (Although if it’s a big oops, a little bit of grovelling can help them forgive you a little faster – it shows how sorry you are and that you don’t want to lose them).
Always got your back
Some call it aggressive. I call it protective. A real friend, no matter the circumstance, will be at your side no matter what. It doesn’t matter who’s on the other side, what the problem was or if you were in the wrong – a true friend will stand up for you, have your back and fight for you with no questions asked. (And you really know you’re a true friend when they’re offering to help you hide bodies … not that you should ever need to hide bodies! Just saying – that’s what a true friend does).
Give you the freedom to grow and explore new things
As we grow up, people change, and they start to explore new things as life pushes us in different directions. We might discover a new interest that seems super unlike us or rediscover something we initially hated and now love. Fake friends will probably make fun of you, or get judgmental and not let you branch out, but real friends don’t care if you stick to the status quo *cue the High School Musical singing and dancing. They will let you do your own thing and stick with you through it, even if it’s not something they enjoy.
Know all your quirks and flaws
We all have those little quirks or personality flaws that we try to keep hidden from most people. It could be that you’re super cranky in the morning, that you only eat cheese on pizza, you get super emotional over the smallest things or anything else that only our true friends know about. No one else quite knows these tiny details but the fact that your closest friend(s) does, is definitely a good thing.
Keep in contact
Fake friends only contact you when they want something, or when it suits them, but they’re never around just for a chat or when you genuinely need them. Real friends will contact you – wherever and whenever because they genuinely care and are interested in you and what’s going on in your life. They don’t care about the gossip, or getting your help – they just want to know what you thought of the movie you watched or what was in your salad.
Protect your secrets
If you can trust this person not to gossip about you behind your back, or talk about your deepest darkest secrets to other people – then you know they’re the real deal. The fakes don’t consider secrets sacred, but a true friend values your confidence and will never share what you’ve shared with them. That’s just not cool in the eyes of a real friend.
Dress to impress? Forget that
If you have to get all dressed up, put on a full face of makeup and make sure you don’t smell like the garlic bread you had for lunch … take that as a warning sign! Real friends will let you (and probably expect you to) come over in your leggings and old hoodie with unwashed hair. They might tease you about it, but you know they don’t really care because they just want to hang out with you. True friendships mean you’ve seen each other in your grossest stages and still love each other – so it doesn’t matter what you look like as long as you’re together.
Make time for you
It doesn’t matter if they are crunched for work or having an anxiety attack due to the amount of studying they have to get done. It doesn’t matter if they have only an hour to squeeze you in during the day, a real friend will be there for you if you need them. It isn’t about the time it’s the fact that they want to spend the time with you, and if you genuinely need them, they will drop anything to be there. Real friends make a plan to make time for you, no matter how busy their lives are.
Ride the emotional rollercoaster with you
You can really tell what kind of friend someone is by how they handle being around you when you’re struggling. For a fake friend, the situation will probably feel really awkward. But if it’s a real friend, if you’re having a bad day, then they’ll be over with ice cream and tissues and cry it out with you. They’ll be the first person to congratulate you when you succeed, and the only person you want around when things are tough. If this is the person you’d call after a breakup, a serious problem or just an awful day and you know they’ll be there, you know they are a true friend.
No judging, no pressure
Fake friends love to be judgmental, and might often pressure you into doing things you aren’t comfortable with, but a real friend will never do that. A true friend accepts you the way you are and will never force you into anything you aren’t okay with, and will probably be on the same page as you regarding things you don’t want to do. If you can unashamedly say you don’t drink or want to stay in bed and watch Harry Potter all day, a real friend will just climb into bed with you so you can enjoy the day together.
Woah this turned out to be much longer than I originally planned so I’m sorry about that. If you’ve made it all the way to the end, then thank you so much for reading (and again I’m sorry this turned out to be such a long post). At the end of the day, though, I really think that friendships are so important and that the right friends will be there through thick and thin. I’ve been able to reflect on a lot of my friendships during my gap year and this lockdown, and while it is bittersweet to have to let go of some of them, I also know who my real friends are.
QUICK SHOUT OUT – I just want to thank all my true friends for being part of my life, both the old ones from school (my bestie, Kee) and the new ones I can’t wait to meet at university. You guys turn bad days into good ones and never fail to make me smile so thank you!!
So, to end with a quote from the wise Dr Seuss, “don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.” If you have to let go of a fake friend, don’t let it get you down. Instead, cherish the happy memories and know that your real friends will never make you cry (intentionally that is).
Have I missed anything? Are there any qualities of a true friend that you think I’ve missed out? Also, who in your life is worth melting for? (And if you want to do a guest post on Tall Blonde Tales or do a collab with me, please let me know in the comments section xx)
Lots of Love
Blondey on a Mission xxx
Tall Blonde Tales 
This was so fun to read! Thank you so much for writing this!! ❤️
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Thank you so much for reading I’m really glad you enjoyed it! ❤️ What sort of things do you like to do with your close friends? I know it’s a random question but I always find it so interesting to see how other people bond with their friends 😁💕
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Haha that’s a great questions!!
I mean I have a couple close friends and they all like to do different things lol. One is into blogging so we often talk about that. Others we hangout watch movies or paint our nails (that sounds really kiddish but it’s true lol) and sometimes just going for walks, talking, and sometimes playing some kind of game! 😊❤️
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Ooh that’s fun – I’m sure it’s nice to be able to chat to someone about blogging. And no it does not sound kiddish at all my best friend and I still do movie marathons and fun stuff like that and we’re almost 20 😂 thanks for sharing 😊❤️
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Haha very nice!! That’s the way to live tbh 😂❤️
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Exactly 😂❤️
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This is a LOVELY post! I’m so happy that I read it!
Loads of Love,
Srisha
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Wow thanks so much for reading and for commenting I really appreciate it! I’m so glad you enjoyed it xxx
Lots of love xx
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Thanks Blondey for the Blog,
A wise old man ( my Dad, my hero) always told me that all through life one we would be able to count your TRUE friends o the fingers of one hand. Every now and then I have tested this out and it has bee exactly that for me.
My true friends, I know that I can phone them at 2 am , wake them up and they will relalise something is wrong and will say, to me “: wait, just putting the kettle on and will phone you back” they realise I am in a trouble/worried about something. This I have tried and tested more than once.
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Hi Wendy! Thanks for reading! That’s such profound advice and honestly I think he’s right but all you need are a few – you don’t need many. True friends really will be there for you no matter what whenever you need xx
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Thank heavens for real friends. They are rare and must be cherished. I think I have two real friends and they are more than enough. Also, I hope you continue to cope with restrictions in your place. It is not easy, but it is quite dangerous now in all the places that are loosening their guard. Anyway, I hope you have your picnic soon. Stay safe and healthy!
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I completely agree – two are plenty when they are true friends! Thank you so much – I know it’s quite concerning … thanks again, thank you so much for reading and stay safe and healthy yourself xx
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Yes, I have nothing more to ask for. And thank you. We are safe here at the tiny house. No cases in our town. How is the trend in yours?
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Not so great but that’s because I’m based in Gauteng so …
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Amazing post! Honestly telling the difference between fake and real friends can be hard sometimes, but I think the points you made are seriously true ❤️ Recently I moved school and none of my supposed ‘friends’ wished me good luck and it really sucked, it felt like someone just took off my rose-tinted glasses and I finally got to see them for who they were but it was also refreshing because sometimes it means I’ve got them out of my life anyway 😅 Also quick question: how do you deal with fake friends?! Because it’s hard and I mddd tips 🤭 Thanks so much for sharing this though, definitely helped me 🙂
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Wow thank you so much and thanks for reading and commenting!! ☺️ I agree sometimes it can be so hard to see the difference. Aww no that’s awful – it’s a horrible way to realise the truth but I think it’s good that you can see the positive in how your life is better without them ☺️. I had a similar situation with my gap year so I understand how hurtful it can be but it’s also quite liberating when you accept it.
Hmm that’s a very good question … I’m really not good with conflict or confrontation but I’d say that you can either confront them about how they’re treating you, or if the friendship is already fading due to the difference then just let it fade out on its own. I really hope that helps 🙈 Of course I’m so glad it was helpful for you☺️
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Of course! No worries at all ❤️ It really can. It was a pretty raw moment for me but I’m glad I managed to find a positive side and I can move on now. I’m sorry to heart that! It totally is and it feels like I’ve wiped the slate clean and I can start fresh now ☺️
Ah me neither! My best friend is always telling me to grow a backbone but being unconfrontational and sometimes letting people walk all over me is just who I am 😂 That’s a really good idea, if it can naturally end let it. That really helped, thank you! 💖
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Yayyy okay that’s good that you can find the positive side and have a fresh start at least even with such a negative experience ☺️.
Haha I get you!! I know I’m the same I just don’t have it in me to not be a doormat naturally but I’m working on it and I think recognising your own value and realising that the other people don’t actually care but are rather using you can help you be more firm and that can start the process. Yeah I mean that’s what’s happened with one of my friendships and while I could have been confrontational, I knew it was going to end anyway and letting it fade (which it has) has just felt like the more peaceful, natural option, Yay I’m so glad it helped you 💕💕
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Of course, I’m just that person that sees the positive side in everything somehow?! It’s just how I roll 😂 It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the negative things though!
Yes! Haha I love that so much ‘doormat’ haha 😂 Perfect description, that sounds like a great idea and there’s a brilliant quote ‘once you start seeing your worth you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t’ which totally resonates with what you are saying ☺️ It’s always easier if it fades but good for you not being confrontational because sometimes it can make the situation worse. I’m so glad to hear it was an easier option 💕
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I’m exactly the same so I completely get you!! At least looking at life with the glass half full approach is a more positive way to go about things 😉😂
Yes I love that quote!! I know I completely agree and thanks so much!! I hope things with all your friendships work out too and aren’t too stressful for you 💕
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I’m so glad you understand!! I totally agree, a negative mind will only lead to a negative life but it’s definitely better to try see the good in the bad, as hard as it may be sometimes 😖
I’m glad you like it!! Anytime and I think they will, right back at you! 🙂
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I completely get it!! I know having a negative mindset can almost trap you in a cycle and even though it’s really challenging, forcing yourself to focus on the positive can create a positive loop that can really help you move beyond the hard times.
Thanks so much 😊
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Exactly, it can be a really vicious cycle to catch yourself in and it can be so hard to change, the other week I was having that problem a lot 😅 Positive loops definitely will result in you living a happier life! ☺️
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Exactly!! I’m so sorry you struggle with that though … I do too and it’s not fun. I know I completely agree – positive loops for the win 😊
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Really great post! I just ended a friendship after realizing that the person was a really toxic person who only contacted me when they needed something or they wanted to talk. I so agree with the keeping in contact because after high school you really realize who your real friends are because some don’t keep contact and some go out of their way to stay in your life. And yes true friends always have your back no matter what!
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Hi sorry for only replying to this now for some reason this comment just didn’t pop up in my feed … Thank you so much for reading. Wow I’m sorry about that but I’m glad you were able to sort it out – exactly you are so right! Thanks so much for reading and supporting xxx
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No worries that happens with some comments- not sure why. Thanks for the very relatable post!
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I know it’s bizarre. Still thanks so much for the patience and thanks for your kind words and reading xxx
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You’re very welcome!
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Firstly, I want to say that I didn’t want this post to end, your writing flowed so well. It was like I was hearing a genuine friend give me advice.
You’re right when you say it’s more healthy to have one or two authentic friends than a bunch of fake ones. Quality over quantity always.
Personally, I know who my close friends are.I won’t say they are true/ real or whatever because I don’t give anybody the liberty to know me like THAT close. It’s just my personality. Unless you’re my family…it’s a different case then.
Amazing you’re going to university, are you excited? I hope you don’t abandon this blog. I enjoy your writings tremendously, they’re a cool breeze.
Take care writer :))
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Wow thank you so much! That honestly made my day I’m so glad you enjoyed it (thank you so much for reading!!)
Ahhh okay I understand – everyone is different but as long as you’re happy with it then who cares? I’m glad you know who your close friends are xxx
Yes I’m super excited about starting uni 🙂 Thanks again, really, and I really don’t want to. I’m probably going to just rebrand it and adjust things a bit so that it’s more suited to uni times etc.
Thanks again (wow I feel like I’ve said thank you a lot) and take care yourself xxx
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I soo love Olaf, he’s SUPER cute and wise beyond his years!! Was certainly a fun read!!♥️♥️
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Me too Olaf is the best!! Thanks so much for reading ❤️❤️
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Aww no problemo! My pleasure!! ♥️😉
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Thank you ☺️❤️
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An insightful and thought provoking write!
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Thank you and thank you for reading and commenting xx
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Whenever I read anything related to friendship, my eyes start getting wet…. I love them all…. I miss all those moments very badly…. And like you mentioned, when we are with our best friends, we don’t have to care about our looks, neither have to think about the topics….. Me and my besties may talk for 3 hours and when someone asks me what was the topic, the answer would be “I don’t know”…. We may have talked about something useless but still I feel so happy and connected…. Getting good friends in our life is a blessing….
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I completely agree thank you so much for sharing your thoughts and experiences!! I know I’m the same with my best friend we can talk for hours about nothing and everything and a 100 different topics – good friends are definitely a blessing you are so right!! Thank you for reading xx
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Hey I really enjoyed reading this. I guess it’s really very important to have true and right friends in our life. Honestly speaking I am not really good in analysing people a lot and I have had many fake friends in my life. While speaking of real friends, I only have 1 . Btw Loved this post a lot☺️💯
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Aww thank you so much!! It is so important. I know don’t worry me too – I’ve had plenty of fake friends but I have a small group of real ones. Thanks so much for reading 😊❤️❤️
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Your most welcome dear. Ohh happy to know that dear. Don’t worry I’ll be there as your blogging friend always. Anytime. 😊🥰
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Thank you so much and I hope you know the same applies for me I’ll always be here as your blogging friend😊❤️
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Your most welcome Tia. That’s really sweet of you. 😊🥰
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😊❤️
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What a fun read 🌸🌸
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Thanks so much for reading and commenting I’m glad you enjoyed it ☺️💖
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Please go through my blog too! 🌸🌸
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Of course I will☺️💖
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Thankyou 🌸🌸
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This is so fun to read!!
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Wow thank you so much I’m glad you enjoyed it!!
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My pleasure! You have a amazing blog!
I have a small request to make…please check out my blog when you have time!!🤗🤗
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Awwwww, I love your title for the post! Talk about grabbing somebody by just the title 😂😍 Such fun to read this and so true 👌
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Awww thank you Olaf is great inspiration!! Hehe why thank you😁😍😂 thanks so much again I’m glad you enjoyed it 😁
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